Random Ramblings.

I built a cloud-based google-like website. If you have a questions you simply write it on a piece of paper, tie it to a balloon,
let it drift up into the clouds and one week later a fairy with wings made out of love will whisper the answer in your ear.

TOP 10 THINGZ IN LIFE...or DEATH
1. Humans Believing in Themselves/Others/Ghosts
2. Trust Falls
3. Canyons Filled With Brilliant Hope
4. Learning to see the Superunknown / a Spoonman
5. A Child Seeing Something Die for the First Time
6. The Sunset from the Back of A Chevy
7. Flower people / flower power / flowers / flowered gowns / Rick Flowery
8. Bubbling Heat from the A Heart That Has Just Found Love
9. Bubbleyum / death's cold rumble LOL!
10. Listening to...silence.

HOBBIES
Exploring the soul. Questing. Cat-calling cats. A giant, 10 story Nirvana t-shirt. A brave muscular friend. An all-knowing,
all powerful uncle. A young boy carving the ghost of his grandfather into the moat surrounding a castle of his greatest fears.

FAVORITE MUSIC
Things of/in nature BEING sound. The drip of the faucet, the far off beating of a lion's heart, the falling teardrops of a
new-born eagle. When the tree falls in the woods, it DOES make a sound...the sound of freedom????????????

LOVE=Comprimise

Controlling your emotions is essential to negotiations. Negotiations and compromise are important to all relationships. A relationship is a series of compromises. These compromises may be proceeded by fear or anger, and even by threats. Marriage and family life are no exception. Fear and anger are emotions. Threats may or may not be preceded by emotions. Often they are. Emotions may sometimes get you what you want in your relationship. Often they do not. Probably the best way to get what you want from your spouse or family is by compromise and negotiation. An important part of negotiation, however,  is being able to maintain control of your emotions. (from CYBERPARENT.COM)

The frontal lobes also play a very important role in controlling emotions. Deep in the middle of the brain are sections that control emotions. They're very primitive emotions that deal with hunger, aggression, and sexual drive. These areas send messages to other parts of the brain to DO SOMETHING. If you're mad, hit something or someone. If you're hungry, grab something and eat it. The frontal lobes "manage" emotions. In general, the frontal lobe has a NO or STOP function. If your emotions tell you to punch your boss, it's the frontal lobes that say "STOP or you are going to lose your job." People have often said to me "a little thing will set me off and I'm really mad." The frontal lobes failed to stop or turn off the emotional system. (from tbiguide.com)

A German hobo by the name of Dr.* Bullwinkle Tophat is working on a device called the "Corn Toot" which will basically enhance the strength of your frontal lobes. The "Corn Toot" which is crafted from old boot juice and leaves, attaches to one's temples and sends tiny electric currents directly into the frontal lobes. These will allow the user to eliminate any/all emotions and give them absolute control of all relationships they are involved in.
*stands for "Dumpster Ringleader"

High school guidance counselor and total asshole Jim Tomlinson agrees that true love is primarily based in the ability to control your emotions. "An ideal relationship would be a neverending parade of comprimises and lack of emotion. Two people truly love each other if they can agree on what type of wine or movie they would like to enjoy that evening."

Birthday Party

Yesterday was my birthday. My uncle Frank organized this huge, crazy party for me at his house. He even paid Huey Lewis & the News nine thousand dollars to not play at it. The party was pretty slammin’. It was mostly made up of me, my uncle and my step mom Sandy. Uncle Frank and Sandy grinded really rough to the 50 Cent album and I sat and watched and sorta felt like I was going to cry. After the cd ended they told me they were going to go to the store to get me a present, but they just went in the house and watched tv.

The party got even more awesome when my best friend Timmy showed up. I saw him and yelled, “Raise the roof!” I think he thought it was really funny. He said he had a huge gift for me, but then just walked into the house and watched tv with my uncle and step mom. I danced alone in the front yard to the 50 Cent cd for awhile until Tim came outside and just being the living piss out of me. Then he wished me a happy birthday and gave me a nice, warm hug. I went inside to tell my uncle and step mom the good news, but they were smoking really old crack and listening to Huey Lewis & the News and that upset me. I told my uncle he was full of shit and before I could even take a hit from the crack pipe, I realized my uncle was Huey Lewis. I never saw him again. LOL!

e:: conway@doghouserecords.com

Japanese Winter Myth

Winter is approaching here in New York. I feel hyper-emotional during the transition from warm weather to cold.



There is actually an old Japanese myth based around this. They believe that in the cold weather your blood actually separates into different emotions, each taking a color; red for fear, blue for morality, yellow for love, black for sadness and green for happiness. If you were to prick your finger in the winter months you would hope for drops of yellow, green and blue to trickle out. Now the winter months for some reason are also when most Japanese women will search for mates. Knowing this, the Japanese men are typically on their very best behavior during this time, hoping that their blood will be the colors which will make them a desirable partner. Therefore, if you are planning a trip to Japan, it would be best to go during their winter.

e:: conway@doghouserecords.com

Creating a religion in 40 seconds

The Church of Ginduism was created in 2005 by "Dr." David Hawkings Conway along with fellow Preachers of the Path;
William Conroy and Jonathan Sebastian Shea.


An introduction to Ginduism;

Welcome.

You are ready to begin your journey, or as we call it, the Santra Morteva.

Good luck.

First, hold your left hand, palm out, a few feet in front of your face.
Try and hold it as still as possible. Stare at your hand. This activity
is called Tantux Morvla. As you continue to stare at your hand, you will
notice aspects of it for the first time; tiny hairs between you knuckles,
wrinkles, maybe even a scar you can't remember creating. At this point
you may start to cry. This is perfectly naturally and it is actually the first
time you've really cried in your life. This moment is called the
Junstarvo.

You may put your hand down now. Junstarvo represents the gates
that lead to your Santra Morteva. If you feel ready to accept what lies
ahead, please continue.

Lay down on your back and place your right hand over your right eye.
This positioning is called Jada Contivum and it is how we can speak
to the other side, or as you will now know it; the Gindu.

The Gindu will guide you on your Santra Morteva.

You will feel a slight tingle in your back. This is something
called a Mije, or a "drifting towards the Gindu." Allow this
sensation to take over your body.

If you do not feel confident enought to continue on your Santra
Morteva, you may stand up and resume your life.

If you are still willing to travel, now put your left hand
over your left eye so that both eyes are completely covered.
This positioning is called the Jada Doctu and it is the means
by which the Gindu can enter our body.

Around this time, the most important single moment in your
life will take place. The Gindu will enter your body and you
will now be guided by their beliefs and ideals. You are no
longer what you were, you are something more. Something
complete.

When your body expires, you will be set in the Jada Doctu postion
and the Gindu will leave you. It is then that your Santra
Morteva is completed.

30 Seconds Inside the Human Brain.

30 seconds inside the human brain

-food
-can you just pull an eyeball out of the socket?
-could I tame a wild horse like in Flicka?
-is that guy who owned the Peach Pit After Dark lonely now?
-should probably brush my teeth soon, or get some gum
-could I beat up high school me?
-I am getting old and enjoy it
-pee.
-could the matrix be real? could it?
-I hate when babies have mohawks
-how afraid of snakes am I?
-how tall is the tallest tree
-get some food.
-pee!
-i wish I could sew and sing and skateboard well, then I'd be cool
-i should work out more, next week I will start working out...a lot.
-is that movie on dvd yet
-sex
-i have no idea if tina turner is still alive, i hope so.
-do they make new episodes of COPS still?
-PEE!
-who buys kid rock cds? my cousins?
-PEEEEEEE!
-will I look foolish in a winter cap?
-How many people will be at my funeral, will they be real sad or fake sad?
-I should do laundry
-My body is weird and full of angles
-the first kid rock album had its moments
-PPPEEEEEEEEEEE!

ALIEN MAGIC

Last Christmas my family was having a pretty heated discussion about magic; what is the best trick you've ever seen, whose the greatest magician of all time...etc etc.

My uncle, who had lost both his baby toes a few months before and had to move around with the aid of a walker and an adult diaper (unrelated), chimed in with some interesting facts.

"Human magic is a joke. It's simple and with a little training, any monkey could do it.
If you wanna see real magic, I am talking about REAL MAGIC, you need to check out alien magic"

We were all confused and asked him what A.L.I.E.N. stood for. Was it a style we were all unfamiliar with?

"No. I am talking about literally magic produced and performed by aliens"

We laughed...but he didn't.

"Do you want some examples of recent alien magic?!" And at that point he just picked the turkey up from the dinner table and tossed it on the ground.
"Do you believe that?" He proudly boasted.