November 7th 2005

I woke up and realized I had spent every penny I had fifteen years ago at the Christmas Tree Shop an hour
and twenty minutes south of Boston. I wanted a coffee and and salt water taffy so bad I decided to spend
the day earning some money and being blue collar, like people's uncles. I called world famous
wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin to come over. Stone and I spent a good bit of the morning making
anklets out of gimp. We watched Clueless while we worked and we could both relate to a lot of
the struggles in the film. Stone cried a little and he let me kick him. At lunch time we went to Panera
Bread and had the soup/salad combo. Stone Cold couldn't finish his bread bowl so we fed it to birds
and old people outside. We brought all the anklets to the mall and we sold them to each other
and made a pretty good profit. Stone Cold used his money to buy a life and I spent all mine on
Stone Cold Steve Austin gimp anklets they had at Spencer's Gifts. He gave me a lift home on
his GT bike with front AND back pegs. That evening I read the bible backwards to see if there were
any Beatles lyrics hidden in it. A 79 year old man with no eyeballs read me Goodnight Moon
and I couldn't help but think my financial woes were over.