VAMPIRES

Worst Nicknames for Boxers;

Harold “Glass” Jones
Thomas “No Hitting in the Face” Finkle

Dewy Decimal System “Vampire”

To the shock and disbelief of most insane scholars and ugly teenage boys, there
is no spot in the Dewey Decimal System for vampires, in spite of a good deal of convincing online information.

How could such a thing be left off when articles such as this
float around::

In any case, numerous vampire accounts have since been discovered in local newspapers, archives, and correspondence from New England that suggest the legacy of the TB epidemic in the 19th century left many families with no other alternative than to exhume their relatives and put their `vampires' to rest. However, the vampire myth only further fueled itself when these freshly resurrected family members appeared as if they were actually `undead' - their fingernails were still growing, their skin looked like it had grown new layers, and the body looked well-fed, even plump. …from EXN.COM

Not fully convinced yet?! Let me put the nail in the coffin;

from: Earlene
To: Teacher2Teacher Public Discussion
Date: 2002092418:04:17
Subject: Halloween math bulletin board


One of my favorite bulletin boards was inspired by an article in a
World Book-Childcraft book, copyright 1982, book 13 "Mathemagic", that
I picked up at a garage sale. I used the idea for a Math Club Society
bulletin board in college.

It is a proof that vampires cannot exist, because if one vampire bites
2 people who become vampires and they each bite 2 people who
each...soon there will be more vampires than there are people in the
entire earth. So that if I am not a vampire and you are not a
vampire, then no one is a vampire. Of course the assumptions must be
true for this to be a valid proof, but the professors checked out the
proof and it held up. So you can take a 4th grade level explanation
and jazz it up to college level. It made a good bulletin board for
October. I think it had something to do with the Binomial Theorem or
whatever...how quickly we forget! I think high school students would
appreciate it, and you could use charts and graphs instead of a formal
logical proof. FROM THE OKLAHOMO STATE TEACHER’S MESSAGE BOARD

Now while this may actually look like a rather strong argument against the existence
Of vampires…a reply to her post should be noted.

“…Ms. Hines IS a vampire.” –from Timmy Smith, 5th grade.

Mind Control, ESP, ELO, KMFDM

Exploration of the Dewey Decimal System Part 3

790 Recreational & performing arts
791 Public performances
792 Stage presentations
793 Indoor games & amusements
794 Indoor games of skill
795 Games of chance
796 Athletic & outdoor sports & games
797 Aquatic & air sports
798 Equestrian sports & animal racing
799 Fishing, hunting, shooting

797 Aquatic and Air Sports

If you tell your psychologist your mailman's cowboy hat is floating exactly 7 inches above his head, they will take a sip of coffee and ask you what you think that means. You'll respond that you strongly believe that somehow a super concentrated portion of the earth's upper-atmospheric wind has positioned itself just above a mailman's head serving as some sort of beacon to a higher power. You've confronted the mailman about this phenomenon many times, to which he simply winks and tips his floating cap to you. It is clear that he is somehow involved on a greater level. You will explain the situation to your fat, angry neighbor who will conclude that what you are seeing is simply an air sport.

Cults & Group Think / no dewey decimal system allocation

The most basic feature is the control of human communication within and environment if the control is extremely intense, it becomes internalized control -- an attempt to manage an individual's inner communication control over all a person sees, hears, reads, writes.

A True Believer's Guide to Creating an Omnipotent Being


1. Choose a physical form that has a mystical tone to it, but will also be also vaguely familiar to those non-omnipotents you are trying to influence. (Maybe a wolf with a crown?...I am often a deer with a chain wallet)

2. Make an entrance that won't be forgotten. The use of smoke is highly recommended.

3. Speak in riddles and/or backwards.

4. Float

5. End with a profound statement. Most omnipotents use the phrase, "It will be black in the dead of night."
This is a lyric from Jefferson Starship's "Ride the Tiger" (1974 Dragonfly album). While most
assume it is merely a drug induced and fairly obvious observation on how it is dark out in the middle of the night, it
should be noted that all members of Jefferson Starship are omnipotent beings* and that this particular lyric
is a riddle which buried inside contains the meaning of life.

*While they are omnipotent beings, they are NOT omnipotent human beings.
Jefferson Starship was created as a sort of SOS to their home planet. There are no documented cases of human omnipotents. (Omnipotent Magazine)

6. dress the part. ie robes, scarfs, lace, glitter lipstick, cape, etc etc.


TEST TEST TEST
ok. I want you to think of 5 questions in your head. DON'T TELL ME THEM. Here my friend, are the answers

1. Henry Rollins, a knife, a loaded gun
2. "If you build it they will come"
3. Are you kidding me?! Those aren't even real fingers.
4. Yes
5. Take the third left and then your 2nd right. It'll be on your left.

Bonus answer to the question that will be on your mind when you awake tomorrow morning: He-Man

Thanks for reading.
xo