Creating a religion in 40 seconds

The Church of Ginduism was created in 2005 by "Dr." David Hawkings Conway along with fellow Preachers of the Path;
William Conroy and Jonathan Sebastian Shea.


An introduction to Ginduism;

Welcome.

You are ready to begin your journey, or as we call it, the Santra Morteva.

Good luck.

First, hold your left hand, palm out, a few feet in front of your face.
Try and hold it as still as possible. Stare at your hand. This activity
is called Tantux Morvla. As you continue to stare at your hand, you will
notice aspects of it for the first time; tiny hairs between you knuckles,
wrinkles, maybe even a scar you can't remember creating. At this point
you may start to cry. This is perfectly naturally and it is actually the first
time you've really cried in your life. This moment is called the
Junstarvo.

You may put your hand down now. Junstarvo represents the gates
that lead to your Santra Morteva. If you feel ready to accept what lies
ahead, please continue.

Lay down on your back and place your right hand over your right eye.
This positioning is called Jada Contivum and it is how we can speak
to the other side, or as you will now know it; the Gindu.

The Gindu will guide you on your Santra Morteva.

You will feel a slight tingle in your back. This is something
called a Mije, or a "drifting towards the Gindu." Allow this
sensation to take over your body.

If you do not feel confident enought to continue on your Santra
Morteva, you may stand up and resume your life.

If you are still willing to travel, now put your left hand
over your left eye so that both eyes are completely covered.
This positioning is called the Jada Doctu and it is the means
by which the Gindu can enter our body.

Around this time, the most important single moment in your
life will take place. The Gindu will enter your body and you
will now be guided by their beliefs and ideals. You are no
longer what you were, you are something more. Something
complete.

When your body expires, you will be set in the Jada Doctu postion
and the Gindu will leave you. It is then that your Santra
Morteva is completed.

30 Seconds Inside the Human Brain.

30 seconds inside the human brain

-food
-can you just pull an eyeball out of the socket?
-could I tame a wild horse like in Flicka?
-is that guy who owned the Peach Pit After Dark lonely now?
-should probably brush my teeth soon, or get some gum
-could I beat up high school me?
-I am getting old and enjoy it
-pee.
-could the matrix be real? could it?
-I hate when babies have mohawks
-how afraid of snakes am I?
-how tall is the tallest tree
-get some food.
-pee!
-i wish I could sew and sing and skateboard well, then I'd be cool
-i should work out more, next week I will start working out...a lot.
-is that movie on dvd yet
-sex
-i have no idea if tina turner is still alive, i hope so.
-do they make new episodes of COPS still?
-PEE!
-who buys kid rock cds? my cousins?
-PEEEEEEE!
-will I look foolish in a winter cap?
-How many people will be at my funeral, will they be real sad or fake sad?
-I should do laundry
-My body is weird and full of angles
-the first kid rock album had its moments
-PPPEEEEEEEEEEE!

ALIEN MAGIC

Last Christmas my family was having a pretty heated discussion about magic; what is the best trick you've ever seen, whose the greatest magician of all time...etc etc.

My uncle, who had lost both his baby toes a few months before and had to move around with the aid of a walker and an adult diaper (unrelated), chimed in with some interesting facts.

"Human magic is a joke. It's simple and with a little training, any monkey could do it.
If you wanna see real magic, I am talking about REAL MAGIC, you need to check out alien magic"

We were all confused and asked him what A.L.I.E.N. stood for. Was it a style we were all unfamiliar with?

"No. I am talking about literally magic produced and performed by aliens"

We laughed...but he didn't.

"Do you want some examples of recent alien magic?!" And at that point he just picked the turkey up from the dinner table and tossed it on the ground.
"Do you believe that?" He proudly boasted.